


Going Full Circle

by GlitterDwarf



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-11
Updated: 2012-07-11
Packaged: 2017-11-09 14:40:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/456635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlitterDwarf/pseuds/GlitterDwarf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Obi-Wan has had to deal with a lot of loss in his life. (Written in 2005)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Going Full Circle

Some of his first memories were of training. He couldn’t really remember a time in his life where he wasn’t a Jedi, wasn’t training. Sometimes he wondered whether it was normal to not know your family, not know who birthed you, not know your history. But then he would look around him and see his family. His real family. The ones who took care of him. In every way possible. 

He loved Qui-Gon, he knew that much. When he was little it was the love of a son to a father. When he got older it evolved into something bigger, deeper, the kind of love that you get when you spend almost every waking moment with somebody who saves your life and compliments you and cares about you and loves you back. He felt taken care of, and isn’t that what a family does? 

Sex was a natural thing. It wasn’t the only thing; far from it. It was just what they did every once in awhile, when it seemed like the thing to do. Besides that, they didn’t need to have sex. Didn’t need to submit to carnal pleasures. It was enough just being with each other. 

Obviously, they didn’t agree on many things, the boy being one of them. After all, just because something looks like the fulfillment to a prophesy and sounds like the fulfillment to a prophesy and smells like the fulfillment to a prophesy does not mean that it, in fact, is the fulfillment to a prophesy. But still, Qui-Gon pushed and pushed and finally got his way. 

He could still clearly see the look in those eyes when all light passed from them, the sound of his voice as he spoke his last words, the feel of his skin as heat slowly drained from it. The same way he could still feel the hatred course through him as he sliced through the man who killed the only person he really loved. The same was he could still feel the passing of love from Qui-Gon to Anakin. He figured it was supposed to be that way: when you lost somebody, you just picked up those feelings and put it on somebody else. It made life easier, or at least he hoped it did. 

And so it passed. Anakin grew up, not without many, countless mishaps and many headaches, but he grew up. He loved the boy, he loved the man, and he could remember the look in Anakin’s eyes when he confessed to Obi-Wan his feelings, the wondering whether it was the same look he gave to Qui-Gon, the earnest pleading, the soft kisses, the caring. 

He understood when Anakin and Padme were married. He knew Anakin thought he didn’t know, but he did. After all, he understood more than anybody how hard it was to love, and how much harder it was to hide the love, especially for somebody like Anakin who threw himself into anything and everything. 

Obi-Wan only understood all too well the hardships of love as he watched his beloved apprentice die before his very eyes, much like his own master had done. The fire almost seemed all too symbolic, like Anakin had just been too consumed with love that if finally took him. And so, he picked that love up as he turned away from his apprentice, hurried back to the ship, and threw his love upon Padme. 

He would wonder for years whether it had been the weight of his love that killed her, like she couldn’t take it anymore. 

And when she passed less than a day later he knew he would pass his love upon the two children, because there was no other way. He had to protect them, and he would do so with all of his life if it killed him, too. 

And then, Master Yoda told him he could contact his old master again, fulfill their unspoken dream of growing old again. 

And as he did so for the first time, feeling once again young, beardless, careless, he suddenly understood what it was like to come full circle.


End file.
